June 13, 2003 - 4:22 p.m.

Pom pom pom.
Mood:

I'm so excited! I get to hopefully have a doggie in 6 months or so (pomeranian). I need to do some research though and maybe contact the BC CKC to get a list of approved breeders. I don't need for her to be a show dog for sure, but I do want "approved genes". And only CKC registered breeders are checked to make sure they don't breed problem causing genes. Like the cute little Teacup Pomeranian my neighbour has. I swear that dog makes me laugh ssooo hard. She's about 6 inches from the ground, probably 5 if someone shaved her. Cripes, I've never seen a dog that size before. I want a regular sized Pomeranian, which is about Bandit's size, maybe an inch taller with the hair. I have to get my mom excited though, but all she said is, "Wait until we do the stairs"... sssoooooo... I suppose I should take that as a thumbs up? When they do the stairs?

Of course, this gave me some new found motivation to finish the other design in the hallway so my dad can paint it. Then I have to phone the mirror place and order a mirror. Then carpets (HOPEFULLY in the next 2 weeks *crosses fingers*), then finally furniture... and ta da, I move in :D.

I need to make up a schedule of all the things that need to get done so I don't get confused. I know this weekend is my cousin's grad, next weekend Patsy said he bought me a ticket for a dinner boat. I have no idea what's going on so I asked him. He never gives me any details. Plus what's the occasion?? His b-day isn't until July 5th, so it can't possibly be that. Maybe he just wants to get the camping group together for a little fun (ie. Amira, Tina, him and myself).

Red decided to come by today, hopefully tomrrow we can go find me some shoes. If not then I'll just wear my comfy shoes and bring a pair of covered ones in case it starts to rain. The forecast is looking rather gloomy for this weekend. In 2 weeks (so not next weekend, but weekend after that), Red and I will hopefully go to Seattle to visit some stores (yey Tiffany's!) and see what it's like down there, explore the town. We haven't gone on a trip in ages so this might be fun. I see summer isn't full of work... it certainly is full of fun stuff though.

I talked to Stacy today, on MSN. Yey. That was so much fun. I sent her some pixies. She is SUCH an amazing person to talk to. Plus I feel 100% comfortable with her. At one point I thought, "I wonder why?" But yeah, we sort of read eachother's journals so that MAY have something to do with it. I feel happy today, even though I did very little work and I feel INCREDABLY fat because I took that whole week off from working out. I know Stacy understands how I feel. She knows what it's like to have MAJOR hangups about your body, issues that just consume you and you don't know any better. People can tell you all sorts of things and it's just impossible to believe them when you OBVIOUSLY see otherwise. Not to mention a lot of people feed you bull just to try and make you feel better. But of course, them telling you, "Yes you DO have fat legs" when you've been whining and bitching about how much you hate your fat legs, doesn't really help either.

Maybe that's why I just want to surround myself with everything positive and wonderful (like animals), because it DOES take a lot of focus away from yourself and your problems, and when you're too busy to look into a mirror to see how bad you look, I guess you just achieved your goal! Being skinny isn't the answer to everything, it does help though *sigh*. But you constantly feel fat on the inside, I don't think that feeling ever goes away. Maybe some days, the "good" days, where you can walk outside with your head held up high and pretend you're the most beautiful person on the face of the earth, but most days you're afraid to look people in the face because you can see them staring at you and all you want to do is run away and hide. I didn't know Stacy hated going out alone because of that reason either. Thought I was the only one who felt that way. I don't like large crowds of people *shudders*.

So next week I go back to my workout routine. Eat right, do everything I used to do, try to have fun, relax. Focus on the things that DO make me happy, like pink, or pugs, or poms. Think about it, no matter HOW against "pink" you are (the color, I don't care if you hate the singer or not, I peronsonally like her :), when you think about wearing pink, or seeing pink, it WILL make you smile I guarantee you. I'm still a bit against wearing it for "overly girly" reasons. But I AM giving it a chance, I guess we'll see what happens ;)