June 15, 2003 - 12:20 a.m.

More research and junk.
Mood:

Today was a weird day. I was a little pissed to say the least. Tina and I talked yesterday. She read my journal and I wrote something about going to the boat party next Saturday and then I got a reply from Patsy with a "who's coming" list and she wasn't on there. Of course I asked him WHY. I mean, I was excited because I just knew Tina would be coming. I don't really feel like hanging out with a bunch of giggly people I've never met, he KNOWS that.

I finally got a reply from him today and he said that basically he didn't want to subject Tina to the music and a bunch of people laughing and being all overly happy and giggly. That's fair, but you should have let HER decide that by asking her, and then saying, "I'm a little concerned because I don't want you to feel uncomfortable since there will be a lot of girls giggling and being stupid and the music will most likely suck (elevator)." Then she could have at least said, you're right, I'm not coming, or, screw that, at least I can hang out with DA and bash guys! She came to the show with me so the least I can do is suck it up and go to a boat party with her.

I just meant that in a funny way, but he SHOULD have done that, not the first thing. I KNOW she's going to be pissed. She felt hurt yesterday so knowing what he said today won't help one bit. In Patsy's defense, he doesn't think. End of story. So I'm almost 99.5% sure he didn't do it on purpose, he just didn't THINK about it. But Tina is a very deep person, and if this was her, she wouldn't have done what he did, so of course she expects the same from her closest friends. But that's Pat for you. I also found out he DIDN'T quit his job at Choices Market (organic foods) yet, so I was right Tina (if you're reading this), he's probably tired and frustrated because Amira told me he WANTS to quit and he keeps bitching about it. I shouldn't be speaking for him though. I could say, I can't take sides, but I AM taking sides, for the both of them. In this case I know why Pat did what he did, and I also think Tina has a right to feel hurt. My final opinion is to tie him down and talk about it... but that'll be harder than I'm sure Tina wants to deal with, and if I was her I'd do the same unfortunately. Patsy hasn't been in a really deep mood lately and she already TRIED talking to him and it didn't work.

I do hope things turn out all right obviously. I don't like people I care about getting hurt, and conversly, I am (and have been) a LOT closer to Tina than Patsy so of course her current state is affecting me a lot more.

While we talked though I didn't tell her but I was talking to Red. He managed to piss me off a little before he left my house that evening so I couldn't sleep, that's partially why I stayed up to talk to Tina, I wanted to clear my head. Then he came home and we started talking. The reason I was pissed off was because I felt hurt that he'd want me to ditch family events for HIM, but yet he wasn't willing to come to my cousin's grad with me over this Father's day thing his family was doing. And of course, how many times does a kid graduate from highschool? Versus how many times in the next 10 years are you going to get to celebrate father's day? *Sigh*. I'm not trying to be mean, but he COULD have sacrificed one time to come with me, but no. Well fuck you then because I realise what I must look like to MY family ditching all of their events for his. Well I'm not going to do that anymore because I guess that just shows how much he cares for me. Plus of course he gets to look great while I'm the black sheep who never shows up for anything or helps out with shit. I mean I even missed my parent's house warming BBQ when we first moved for him! What a jerk.

So I felt hurt, and that made me feel really uncomfortable around him, then some more stuff happened that just kept on adding to it so that by the time he left I was being a little mean to him and he kept saying it's not his fault so to not even THINK of blaming him for me being mad. So I said fine and almost slammed the door in his face (only I didn't, duh I'm not THAT mean, it was more of a "mental" slam). Then he came online and we talked for a bit and I told him that the reason I felt uncomfortable was because we hardly ever talk so what did he expect, and so on and so forth. And of course he didn't feel like seeing me on Saturday and we were supposed to go Downtown to look for shoes. So basically I wasted Thursday AND Friday because I wanted to wait to go with him on Sat and he stood me up! So that just added to me feeling even WORSE.

Plus I was pissed. I felt like if I had known I would have gone on Thursday and given myself ample time to choose something I liked instead of waiting until the last minute. So today, my mom drove me to the Liquer Store to grab some beer for Father's day (best gift a girl could get a dad who loves beer... go figure). I picked up some Mike's Hard and Malibu for mom and myself. She got some Guiness for herself but I warned her she probably won't like it because, well, Irish drink hard (plus she's STILL trying to find a beer she likes... I told her to give up and drink the good stuff I pick). For someone who doesn't drink though I sure know a hell of a lot about alcohol, that's why I told her to get the Malibu. She's never had it before and I guaranteed her she'd love it so I'm going to make her drink some tomorrow maybe because I made her a Mike's today and she didn't want to mix stuff. She's so funny though because Mike's is like 0.7%, lol. Malibu is hard though because it's basically san tan lotion flavoured rum ;)

For the first time in ages though I just felt like getting drunk. Except being at the Liquer Store and seeing all the people who WERE getting drunk that evening made me change my mind. Not to mention, right outside there was a little 2 single mom rally looking for donations... it's kinda ironic if you think about it. Makes you think WHY they got PG'd in the first place if their fave hangout spot seems to be the Liquer store...

I'm just generalizing here so don't anybody knock my head off, sheesh. So then after that my mom dropped me off near the SkyTrain and I took it down to Broadway then Downtown. Or at least I tried to. Of fucking course, the minute I decide I want to head over to Vancouver there's ALWAYS a disaster, this time, SkyTrain constructions. The trains were literally running backwards. There was a HUGE backlog of people, so to make a long story short: When I finally got to the mall it was 5 pm and everything closed at 6. The weird highlight of the day was seeing Amira. She was stanging in front of me and I sort of recognized her from the back but I wasn't 100% sure and didn't want to look like a freak trying to get her attention and BEING wrong, but at one point she turned her head and I saw the side of her face and right away I knew it was her so I said hi and we started talking. She looked a bit uncomfortable, which was weird. I asked her what she was up to and she said she was going to visit Pat at work, except I already knew that. It was a formality before I run my mouth and said, "So you're going to see Patsy?" And then I'd have to explain WHY I knew what I knew when I obviously shouldn't have know... thanx Tina ;)

She was also wearing makeup. Very cute makeup, but makeup nonetheless. Basically my theory is this: no girl wears "notice me" eye makeup unless she's trying to get someone, or check someone out or BE checked out.

Not my business though. I told them to phone me if they wanted to hang but again, formality, because I knew they wouldn't. So I headed downtown, basically sprinted through The Bay, didn't even get a chance to go into Holt Renfew. Checked out a few stores (Pegabo has some nice shoes), and that was that. I went home, didn't see anything I liked even though I'm sure if I had enough time I would have possibly changed my mind. I spent the rest of the evening being squished like a sardene inside of a stuffy SkyTrain and waiting for half an hour at the bus stop. Fucking lousy day. On the upside though, I came up with another name for my future puppy.

When I came home Red said he was leaving to hang out with Mr.Wright, then he came back and we talked for a bit. Talked a lot about pets and stuff and I told him I'm going to be calling the CKC on Monday to get them to send me the breeders register so I can start visting people. The site is so helpful too. They tell you what to look for when picking a purebread puppy, so nice. I have about 6 months to get my shit together and also inquire about pet insurance at the animal hospital. I need to know if/when it's worth to get it and what it covers. Bandit's only 7 but he's not getting any younger, and I told my mom that obviously older dogs have more problems and have to hang out at the vet's a lot so it might be best to get insurance if we have 2 dogs, gd forbid anything should happen.

Otherwise I'm excited. I think it'll be fun, oh and we're down to 3 names now (in this order), Elle, Honey and Maya. Red picked Elle, I'm about 85% for Elle, but I guess I'd need to see what the puppy was LIKE. We both decided that Maya is more be-suiting of a Pug girl because Pom's are a lot more prissy and girly looking, kinda like the name "Elle" implies (and also an ode to Elle Woods from Legally Blonde, hehehe).

I think that's about it. I'll try to keep giving updates on my research. I'm also finally getting back to working out next week. I seriously can't wait. It was HARD to give myself a full week's break... I'm jumpy and itchy and I feel insanely fat and flabby. I need to get back to working out NOW NOW NOW! I'm pretty sure my body needed the break but my mind kept screaming for me to get on that bike or ELSE!