July 13, 2003 - 12:39 a.m.

Worry worry worry wort.
Mood:

People always teach me things, especially the ones I'm closest to. I suppose Tina and Red above all else. Even though she doesn't realise it she is incredably perceptive and she has a knack for understanding and knowing people because she's "been there". In my opinion, it's tough to understand when the lowest you've ever been is "normal".

I always go back to what her and I talked about, but most importantly, because of what we've been through together I understand why she does the things she does, and in turn, I am better able to understand myself.

On the way back, Red asked what I was thinking about and I said, "Monday." And he asked why so I said, "You know, I have that big project to do, it'll be tough, I don't know how I'll be able to do it." So he then asked why I have no confidence [in anything], so I explained that there's really no point and that whatever I felt confident in always bit me in the head so I stopped being confident (not to mention being put down by people). So that coupled with being unlucky and pretty soon I learned to think about the worst case scenario. Then the conversation jumped to "worrying" and he told me I worry to much and that it was a wasted emotion.

I simply told him that that's the way I deal with things although I KNEW that it bothered him that I need constant reassurance, so I finally asked him some questions and he said, "Yes it bothers me, it's annoying that you constantly have no confidence in anything and I have to be responsible for making you feel good." He's right, he shouldn't be responsible for making me feel good.

Other than that, my first reaction was to think, "Well... this is how I handle things, some people worry." Until I thought of Tina, and realised that in essence, she comes to ME with HER worries, and even though it's not my responsibility to make her feel good, I know that ANY kind word will reassure her and make her feel better, even if it doesn't seem that way. For every worry there is SOMETHING you can say to lighten the load.

And then I asked myself, why? WHY do I come to Red with MY worries? And I realised that everyone needs someone they can feel naked with. Where their mind can come home to and relax. Where the world no longer matters and they can stop pretending they're superhuman. That they HAVE no emotions, no worries. That they never cry, and never have a bad thought. I had nobody like that until I met Red. I NEVER EVER told my parents any of my worries (EVER), which is strange... I would tell them other things people would consider a lot tougher to talk about than simple "worries", and yet, I consider worries to be the weakness of the soul. It is by far the only thing that proves that people have a heart that isn't made of stone. That the best comedian catches stage fright, and the best president wonders how their next election will turn out.

And yet the ONLY reason the comedian goes back on stage, and the president gets elected is because people think they're STRONG, and the reason they're strong is because they have someone out there looking out for them. That ONE person they can bare their mind to and tell them every little worry just to hear those simple words, "It'll be all right, trust me." And as trivial as it may seem, and some people need it more than others, it's the only thing that keeps us going forward. Without reassurance we wilt. It's like water to a rose, without it, it'll never grow protective thorns, and without it, the little bud will never open and we will NEVER look upon it's beauty.

For you see, in this world, you need thorns to grow a flower, otherwise you will get eaten alive. So the people that tend to sparkle and shine the most, the people we appreciate, the roses of the world, are up there because of someone we will never see steadily nourishing their soul.

The strongest people need the most reassurance. So I suppose, the next time someone approaches you with their worries and needs reassurance, and especially if they appear to do it often, take it as the biggest gift anyone could ever give you. They are giving you their soul, and by far, isn't that the greatest gift of all?

1:07 a.m. - Dea's quizzes rule!

Your Sexual Energy is Green!

Your sexual energy is rich, serene, and abundant like the natural world.
You are always feeling your sexual aura flow through you, like a stream.
Rarely do you go anywhere without it.

You seduce people with your luxurious glow.
You do not have to be obvious to express your sexuality.
Others just feel your serene sexual power that resides within.

First dates are a mental dance for you - as you subtly seduce potential lovers.
In bed, you can easily sense your lovers needs and to flow them as needed.
This spiritual click is your primary sexual strength.

However, sometimes you allow your carnal appetite to go too far, and you forget to be cautious.
While it's awesome and totally liberating to release your inner wild woman... watch out!
Sometimes your pheromones may mislead you.

Check out Natalie Portman and Julia Stiles for some green sexual energy guidance.

When it comes to the hot matches, people who have shades of red, yellow, and pink are strong possibilities.

What Color is Your Sexual Energy?
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10:20 a.m. - Red took the quiz too.

Your Sexual Energy is Yellow!

You have the sensuality of a goddess or spiritual temptress.
And you feel that your sexual energy comes from a deep source.
You love to tease and foreplay is by far your greatest sexual talent.

You feel the sun's light streaming through you and you reflect that energy into your partner.
You enjoy both giving and taking.
You feel completely equal and at peace during foreplay.

You have immense patience and love to touch in all of the right spots.
You tend to keep home lovers who have endured your seduction for extended periods of time.
You like to see your lovers over and over again to insure that they are completely yearning for you.

If you want to spice up your sex life, add a bit of raw sexuality.
Maybe a few silk scarves, or some erotica to share together?
Bring in fantasy and fun, and that will mix with your sexy spiritual self just delightfully!

Kate Hudson and Cate Blanchett both know how to light up a room with their yellow sexual energies.

People who hare sexual energies of red, green, and pink are a good match for you.

What Color is Your Sexual Energy?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva