August 06, 2003 - 3:34 p.m.

Impulses.
Mood:

I downloaded the final Matrix Reloaded trailer. It's so kick ass. Damn Carrie Ann Moss is too hot for words. She is seriously the perfect blend of strong woman I have ever seen. Trinity kicks ass. Yummmm...

Well, 2 more things to do today, maybe 3. Stair run, and go fold laundry, one of which I'm about to do RIGHT NOW, guess which one... *goes off to fold laundry*.

9:11 p.m.

Well, Bandit's feeling bad, looks like his stomach is killing him so I gave him some Pepto, damn I hope it helps, poor guy, we didn't even go on a full walk. Maybe after a little bath I might do some bike. I have to do abs tomorrow, then Red is coming over to talk about work, then... who knows.

I think I should go check up on him. I am SSSOOOO zoned out today! I slept in, didn't really do much except finish off some work and now I'm just zoning out again. Don't feel like doing much of anything anymore either. Maybe reading? What a weird day. As soon as the clouds roll in I feel shitty. I wish I could tan tomorrow but I doubt it'll be nice outside.

At least I fixed my internet problem, stupid router.

10:52 p.m. - Another Matrix...

Today is a world full of fantasy for me. I've been pre-occupied with an online spree looking at The Matrix stuff. That movie definately fascinates me for so many reasons. It's probably the only movie I understood 100% because (as odd as this may sound) I can relate to it 100%. The other thing that intrigues me is the depth of dialogue. The more you watch it the more you discover, it's quite insane, the more you learn, the more you understand.

As far away from a plausable future as this movie is, it's still the closest thing to the truth. We will never see such a future, but who knows... one day, someone else might. Human eyes may fall victim to such happenings. It was all too soon that Gene Roddenbury's predictions came true. From the minds of great sifi artists do come great premonitions.

But when you're immersed in a world of computers, when one becomes so finely a part of you that you cannot do without it, you know the truth is closer than fuction. I'm a huge advocate of the internet, but slowly I see it consuming everything like an invisible monster. Soon we will no longer hunt bandits on the streets but cyber stockers. No more holocosts of bombs but rather hackers wreaking havoc on the world from unknown hidden places.

Will we fall victim to that which we created. Soon the student will out grow its master. What shall become of us all?

But The Matrix still draws me in. It's a fascinating world, cryptic and clever, just the way I like it. It might as well read like binary code. Indiscernable from reality.

***

Change of topic here. I think Bandit's starting to feel better, the poor guy was whining before, jeez, I hate when he feels bad *sigh*. Red and I talked online for a bit while I downloaded trailers. Damn trailers were more of a tease than anything else! Serves me right. He asked me a strange question today, he asked if there's anything that I was missing in my life, felt empty... and I said no. And even if I did I couldn't complain. However there WAS something that did cross my mind today: If I married a guy, I wondered if I'd ever regret not being with a woman.

The only thing is, it would take someone LIKE Carrie Ann Moss for me to fall for them, in which case, it's bound to never happen. Oddly enough I'm not as picky when it comes to people's looks as I am their personality. Indeed, I care not at all for looks. To me, the attitude IS the look. The way the person moves, acts, speaks... especially the voice, and the primary factor, "quiet strength". That is by far the largest attribute that attracts me to someone.And everyone has their own "something". I've had the pleasure to hang with some extraordinary women, some extraordinary men, but both of which had their own little faults. There's a blend of tactics and characters in everyone. There's a bad seed in every corner, and as many "bad" men as there are "bad" women. However (and I put the word "bad" in quotes)... they're not so much a bad human being as they are simply... incompatible. Which is absolutely acceptible.

In the end, there is always someone out there for everyone, and one day we will find eachother. Sometimes it truly may not be the person we envisioned for ourselves. Love is blind to such things. Our only job is to keep our eyes open.

Yup, that was me rambling. I'm trying to learn not to diss men so much because that's just stupid. Just because most of the guys I met were incompatible with me that doesn't mean they're "bad", and it ESPECIALLY doesn't mean they're bad people! Sure they have their own little quirks, but then again, who doesn't? And in all frankess, I have met a lot more women than men who wanted to rip me a new one.

We are none of us without faults, but I suppose that's what makes us so beautiful. I love "faults" in people, especially physical ones. I've looked at BILLIONS AND BILLIONS of photographs, images, movies, of people. Actors, porn stars, and so on and so forth, and NONE are as beautiful as the ones who don't strive to look like the perfect ideal. Maybe I should take some live drawing classes?

What a world we live in...