August 05, 2003 - 11:36 p.m.

We're in it now.
Mood:

In case I forget to mention this down the road, optical kicks MAJOR ASS! I'm still using Red's mouse but I'm using it on my BED, no mousepad... hehehe. I use it instead of the laptop mouse cuz I can do work a LOT faster. I refuse to switch keyboards though, I'm one more step closer to learning how to use this thing. I'm almost done learning how to use the Shift and Ctrl keys properly. Just some minor adjustments here and there. It's times like these I hate being pattern oriented. I learn things quickly, but I learn them almost TOO well when it's a pattern of some sort because it's then tough for me to "unlearn" something, like a certain behaviour for example (like changing the way I press the Shift key for instance).

Today was a good day though. I did some work (need to do a ton more tomorrow because aparently Red and I are no longer getting together). So maybe that'll also give me some time to write that nasty e-mail I've been putting off for way too long. I also did my workouts, walk, abs and bike, I feel so proud of myself, hehehe. Not to mention my abs are STILL improving so I'm starting to feel pretty good in that department.

E messaged me today. He's so weird. He keeps flirting with me but I have absolutely ZERO interest in him and he's impossible to be friends with because he's very "physically" oriented. He'd never leave me alone and then I'd seriously have to kick his ass which would probably end the friendship ANYWAY, so in the end... why bother now.

Lately flirting with people has been the furthest thing on my mind. I'd love to say it's because I've "come to my senses", but it's more like "my hormones have subsided". I can honestly feel myself getting older. Not body, not mind, not the way I act or the way I think, but SOMEHOW something is different. Something very disturbing and uncontrollable is gone and I feel like for the first time in my life I'm thinking with a clear head. I guess puberty is over? ;)

Then there's the Red situation. Lately I've also been feeling like whatever "romantic" feelings I need at the moment I can only truly get from him. Everything else is fake and temporary, so again, I quit trying to look for something which can ONLY exist between him and I. I've also been learning that just because love becomes a conscious effort that doesn't mean it feels any less powerful. I can still feel the same way I did before if I choose to. Maybe it's meant to be this way after all, for us to be in control of our feelings and situations.

I just wish there was something I could do for him. I know he's under ssooo much stress right now but I can't even begin to imagine because he only shows and tells about 10% of it all.

On the upside, I ended up showing the pug pixies to my mom and she thought they were adorable. Damn I still need to post those, hehehe. I love pugs, only thing that can cheer me up when I'm REALLY down. I also got my ring today, I was so surprised, plus it's BEAUTIFUL! In fact, my mom was so impressed she now wants me to order one for her. I want to order the earring and pendant set anyway so this way we can save on shipping. No biggie. Damn... I should look at my budget *sigh*. I hate that part.